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THE FERRARI OF
BIKES |
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I've never been someone to write just to write or post just to post. I'm not a content machine that has a list I can bust through even when I'm not feeling it. I'm someone that wants the words to be meaningful for myself, which makes it more likely to be meaningful to you.
That sometimes means there's a lot of time between thoughts worth putting into words, especially on topics as heavy as infertility. But I have something I want to say.
That sometimes means there's a lot of time between thoughts worth putting into words, especially on topics as heavy as infertility. But I have something I want to say.
just wait
As we get closer to the start of our IVF journey starting, I'm reflecting on the last 2.5 years of trying and what's coming up for me is just how much waiting is involved.
.
When you first start trying, waiting is broken up into your monthly cycle. It's exciting and predictable for most of us, hanging somewhere around the 28 day mark for some kind of answer.
.
When some undisclosed amount of time goes by, you not only wait for your cycle but also when you're able to start getting answers. For women under 30, that's 1 year of trying. So imagine being 6-8 months in and being told to wait even just to get checked out by a fertility specialist. So you wait to see if you managed to get pregnant this cycle.
.
Let's say you make it to the 1 year mark. You're likely living your life in 2 week periods. Waiting for ovulation then waiting to see if it worked. After 12 months you're ready for answers. They run the basic tests on you and your partner...and then you wait. Wait for the results. Wait to see if you managed to get pregnant this cycle.
.
So the results come in and they either have an answer or not. Next steps are usually scheduling procedures such as an HSG, SIS, or IUI, all of which only happen at very specific times in your cycle to even complete. So you schedule it and wait for your cycle to get to where they need it. Wait for the appointments, Wait to see if you managed to get pregnant this cycle.
.
When that doesn't work, you're given options like IVF. Unfortunately, for many of us it is a procedure not covered by insurance and very expensive. So you wait, saving, budgeting, getting creative in how you can make the money so you aren't starting you family in debt. In the meantime, you might continue with IUIs and find yourself waiting for the next part of your cycle to do the procedure. Waiting for the appointment. Waiting for your IVF consult appointment (booked months in advance). Waiting to see if you managed to get pregnant THIS cycle.
.
So you make it to IVF. Finally, something is going to happen! On top of all of the testing you have to go through again and book, you also need to get your cycle lined up with the 20 other women that month going through IVF too. What's that mean for you? Birth control! So you wait for your cycle to end so you can start taking birth control in order to start the IVF process. Waiting to see if you managed to get pregnant naturally this final time before it all begins.
You wait to get through your birth control cycle knowing you can't get pregnant only to start another cycle, waiting for all of the medications, monitoring appointments, time on the clock of when to inject yourself. You wait for answers on follicle size, when to trigger, and retrieval day. Wait to see how many embryos they managed to get, if any. Wait to see how many, made it to 5 days, if any. Wait for genetic testing, which usually pushes you to have to wait another month before your body is timed to do transfer. Wait to see if you even get a transfer day.
Then, if you're lucky, you transfer and you wait to see if you stay pregnant.
If not, you wait to do it all over again or an answer to what comes next.
.
When you first start trying, waiting is broken up into your monthly cycle. It's exciting and predictable for most of us, hanging somewhere around the 28 day mark for some kind of answer.
.
When some undisclosed amount of time goes by, you not only wait for your cycle but also when you're able to start getting answers. For women under 30, that's 1 year of trying. So imagine being 6-8 months in and being told to wait even just to get checked out by a fertility specialist. So you wait to see if you managed to get pregnant this cycle.
.
Let's say you make it to the 1 year mark. You're likely living your life in 2 week periods. Waiting for ovulation then waiting to see if it worked. After 12 months you're ready for answers. They run the basic tests on you and your partner...and then you wait. Wait for the results. Wait to see if you managed to get pregnant this cycle.
.
So the results come in and they either have an answer or not. Next steps are usually scheduling procedures such as an HSG, SIS, or IUI, all of which only happen at very specific times in your cycle to even complete. So you schedule it and wait for your cycle to get to where they need it. Wait for the appointments, Wait to see if you managed to get pregnant this cycle.
.
When that doesn't work, you're given options like IVF. Unfortunately, for many of us it is a procedure not covered by insurance and very expensive. So you wait, saving, budgeting, getting creative in how you can make the money so you aren't starting you family in debt. In the meantime, you might continue with IUIs and find yourself waiting for the next part of your cycle to do the procedure. Waiting for the appointment. Waiting for your IVF consult appointment (booked months in advance). Waiting to see if you managed to get pregnant THIS cycle.
.
So you make it to IVF. Finally, something is going to happen! On top of all of the testing you have to go through again and book, you also need to get your cycle lined up with the 20 other women that month going through IVF too. What's that mean for you? Birth control! So you wait for your cycle to end so you can start taking birth control in order to start the IVF process. Waiting to see if you managed to get pregnant naturally this final time before it all begins.
You wait to get through your birth control cycle knowing you can't get pregnant only to start another cycle, waiting for all of the medications, monitoring appointments, time on the clock of when to inject yourself. You wait for answers on follicle size, when to trigger, and retrieval day. Wait to see how many embryos they managed to get, if any. Wait to see how many, made it to 5 days, if any. Wait for genetic testing, which usually pushes you to have to wait another month before your body is timed to do transfer. Wait to see if you even get a transfer day.
Then, if you're lucky, you transfer and you wait to see if you stay pregnant.
If not, you wait to do it all over again or an answer to what comes next.
this is for everyone
My goal in writing this is to help women going through ANY part of this process for ANY amount of time just how fucking resilient they are. We get take blow after blow each month and still find the ability to pick ourselves up to do it again and wait for the next hit. Our love for the children we don't yet have is unfathomable in what we're willing to take on for the chance at meeting them one day. To see our hearts live outside of our bodies.